When you're abroad, it makes you wonder how things are going on back home. Everyone sees what they want to see and everyone thinks what they want to think but the truth is only you will know what's going on in the inside. When loneliness kicks in or when you tend to think something absurd or even when you just want to miss someone who may never even think of you.
I still remember how it was my first month here and I received a phone call from home at 10pm in London, telling me that my mum has been admitted in the emergency ward. Trust me, I went speechless. I couldn't think, I couldn't imagine, I couldn't even stand. The feeling of not being able to help someone you love, to help someone you care, that feeling hurts. I was hopeless. I felt useless. I felt the need of doing something. I was at the verge of falling and then I suddenly experience a raise in my heart. My heart beats fast and all I could think was getting a flight ticket back home. I went online and search for the next flight to head back. While I was trying to key in my card number, I suddenly feel the urge of calling home again. They said that mum will be alright and ask me to just sleep and not to worry. Question is, HOW CAN YOU NOT WORRY? It's your mum. Throughout my life, all I could think of is to be there for my mum whenever I can, but now, I couldn't even if I want to. So I went to bed, praying that everything will be alright.
Of course, there are so many things I have learnt from that situation. Firstly, the need to trust. Doesn't matter who, it could be the people back home or just the neighbors or your friends telling you that everything's going to be alright. The thought of you think you can do better than them should be gone by now. There are people out there that you can rely on, you just gotta put your trust in them. They will be able to do the things that you can't do when you're abroad. All you gotta do is pray that things will be alright, eventually it will. If it doesn't, then only you step in and think whats the best thing to do.
Secondly, the need to let go. You just have to let go. No matter what, letting go is NEVER an easy thing to do. The need to let go of the anxiety, the anxiousness, the feeling of hopeless and useless. Its the fact that you can't do much there other then to let those people do what they can or able to do there. It will take time but you'll get there.
Thirdly, the need to hope. That one word just sum up everything. Hope. When there's hope, theres always a dream and when there's dream, there's always a possibility of making it come true. With prayers and faith, hope means everything.
So with that, you know what you gotta do. :)
