the Pain that Stays

Every girl has that one person that she truly loves. Let's put yourself in the girl's situation: Either it was in the past or in a relationship that you're with or probably the man you'll never gets. It's always that one person that plays an important part of your life, that one man that can never be replace, even if the man is not meant to be for you. If you look at it in the aspect where you never get the man that you truly loves, it will take a lot of effort to move on and imagine after moving on, you still either caught up with the image of the guy or you tend to find a guy that has an idea of the guy that you used to love. So is it a rebound or just by coincidence? 

No matter how far you are, that person will stay with you. The thought of him used to always put a smile on your face, that one person who cares of you (even if he only shows up every month or once a year), the idea of him being the spontaneous person and the fact that he will always be there for you, always. Hang on, it should be 'he used to be there for you, always.' After months or years, you finally have the courage to move on, to live your life without him around. Sounds easy doesn't it? You keep telling yourself that he is not important anymore, you keep telling yourself that you're in a relationship with this man that you really love or you're married to the love of your life but the truth is, have you really move on?

Being caught in the past hurts but its even worse when the pain of losing the man that used to play an important role in your life will be there with you forever. The pain of losing him to someone else, to another woman, to another person that he cares now. It's not you anymore.. It makes you wonder if he still thinks of you occasionally or one day you'll meet and he'll ignore you? You hope that he says hi and love sparks again but reality kicks in. Does this mean that he moves on? Does this mean that he doesn't care about you anymore and you're someone in the past? 

Do you have that one person you care about that you know you wanna be with but it's just not meant to be? What do you wanna say to that person if you see him again?

So many questions left unanswered. So many wonders and so many tears trickled. Heart left unhealed and pain stays.

A great 2015 - Moving on to 2016!

Alhamdulillah. One of the best years of my life goes to 2015! Achievements unlocked, established career, new friendships made, found love and happiness and having the best time of my life.

I started off 2015 by working as a full-time lawyer and a part time lecturer. Ever since I started volunteering for TUNZA in 2006, I always have a passion for children and the environment, I always wanna try to make a difference to the world, to Malaysia especially. Alhamdulillah, mid-2015, I received the most wonderful news at work, I managed to secure the Chevening scholarship, a UK Government scholarship to pursue my Masters. I found out that I am the first female law student from UiTM to secure this prestigious scholarship - mission accomplished! 

19th September 2015 marked my farewell to Malaysia.. Family, friends and loved ones came to the airport to send me off.. It was one of the memorable day ever. I even had my (ex)bosses to send me off!! How blessed am I? 

I made so many friends that become family here in London. Chevening has made my dream come true. It's like my Brunei life all over again, friends from Malaysia and all around the world. All praise to Allah! Special thanks to the alumnus and seniors, Noris, Afif, Qi Wen, Kak Maizan and Kak Fatin for your endless guidance and support before and until I am here! Alhamdulillah, Allah sent me the beautiful angels to help to ease my journey here.  

Being here for 4 months has been a tough, challenging yet exciting adventure. I've learnt to cook so many dishes, I've learnt to be independent and to accept every mistake as a lesson in life and to be more optimistic about my failure. If there's one thing I will tell people out there what I have learn in 2015, is to NEVER GIVE UP because NOTHING WORTH HAVING COMES EASY. 

Hence 2015,

two years of practicing lawyer

one year of part-time lecturer

secure Chevening Scholarship (UK Government Scholarship)

enrolled to top 100 university in the world

Met friends from around the world

pursuing my dream of doing Masters in Human Rights Law

Alhamdulillah 2015 is a year to be grateful for. 2016 is the year where I need to work extra hard to ensure that I get this Masters with a passing grade, to make sure that every prayers and support counts! Lets do this! Please don't stop praying for my health, success and wellbeing here. :) Thank you.